


Consequences

by JMDeLoach



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 19:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12539300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMDeLoach/pseuds/JMDeLoach
Summary: This was my entry for Bella Books' "Fan fiction to published novelist" contest. I was not chosen as a finalist, but I thought I'd share. This is a re-write of "This Time," one of the reader prompt stories I posted in another thread; but this version is longer and more fleshed out; and quite frankly, better.This takes place post "The Name of the Doctor" after Jenny disappears from existence because the Doctor enters his own time stream.If you want to check out the pieces that did make the final cut in Bella Books' contest, you can find them here:http://blog.bellabooks.com/2017/10/and-the-finalists-of-bellas-fan-fiction-to-published-novelist-contest-are.html





	Consequences

Vastra awoke to the bed moving violently, and immediately recognized what was happening. Jenny was having night terrors—again. This was a nightly occurrence for the human in the month since Trenzalore—since she had died, or more to the point, simply faded out of existence. Yes, she had returned, but the consequences of that trip had been dire. 

Jenny’s body thrashed and she gasped herself awake. She sat up breathing hard, covered in cold sweat. Vastra tried to reach out to her, to hold her; but like most nights Jenny just pushed her away, rolled over, and sobbed herself back to sleep. Some nights she got out of bed altogether and left Vastra confused and wondering how to help her wife. But it was clear Jenny didn’t want Vastra’s help. 

Before Trenzalore they never pushed each other away; never refused a touch from the other. The contrast of Vastra’s cool Silurian scales on Jenny’s warm human skin was always enough to begin the healing process of anything they were going through. And if they were cross with one another, it never lasted this long—a day, a week at most, but never a month and counting. 

Vastra knew this had to stop. But what could she do if Jenny kept pushing her away? All she could think is that Jenny blamed her for letting her die on Trenzalore. But it wasn’t her fault. What could she have done? As soon as the Doctor jumped into his own time stream he ceased to ever exist. And by extension, the time stream of anyone whose life he had ever touched was altered. 

Those whose life the Doctor had saved began to fade from existence as he was never there to save them. The Doctor had saved Jenny, so by him ceasing to ever exist, she too faded into nothing. That wasn’t Vastra’s fault. She couldn’t have prevented any of it. So why was Jenny blaming her?

 

Breakfast was always quiet as Vastra was never one for small talk; since Trenzalore, meals were silent. The women ate at the small table in the kitchen as Vastra read the paper and Jenny stared into nothingness. The lack of sleep was showing in Jenny’s eyes and in her daily actions, even those most routine. Vastra’s breakfast of raw meat and fresh blood, typically lovingly warmed to body temperature, was room temperature at best. And today Jenny forgot the tea altogether. Wherever her mind was, it wasn’t here.

Vastra snaked her tongue out behind the newspaper to taste the air—to taste Jenny. Her pheromones, normally so sweet on the reptile’s tongue, were now bitter and sour. This had become standard in the month since Trenzalore. 

Training was almost impossible with Jenny’s lack of focus. Vastra’s bokken found Jenny’s body time and time again as she failed to block even the simplest of attacks. 

The wooden sword smacked Jenny’s upper arm. Thwack! “Focus, Jenny,” Vastra barked. 

“I am focusing,” Jenny snapped. 

“If you were focusing I would not be able to hit you with my sword,” Vastra retorted. 

Vastra bowed to Jenny. “Let us switch to hand to hand training.”

Jenny bowed. 

They each returned their wooden sword to the rack and assumed the ready position across the mat from one another. 

They bowed. Then Vastra lunged at Jenny with a simple attack. Instead of countering, blocking, or otherwise defending herself, Jenny allowed Vastra to grab her and throw her to the ground. 

“That should have been easy for you to counter, Jenny,” Vastra said. 

“Sorry,” she replied. “I forgot what to do.” 

“Nonsense,” Vastra said. “You do not simply forget what to do. You have been practicing this for years. These moves are second nature to you. Now focus.” 

Vastra came at Jenny again; and this time she threw Jenny across the room. She went to help her up. 

“Come at me,” Vastra said. “Attack me with everything you have.” 

Jenny came at Vastra and offered no resistance when Vastra countered. She hit the mat with a thud and the air was knocked out of her lungs. 

“Up. Again,” Vastra barked. 

Same result. 

“Again.” 

To the mat. 

This had to stop. 

“You cannot focus because you are not sleeping enough,” Vastra said as she reached down to help Jenny up off the mat for the fifth time. 

“Can’t help that,” Jenny snapped as she took Vastra’s hand. 

“You cannot patrol with me if you cannot focus,” Vastra said. “Whatever is consuming you is going to get you killed if we run into trouble.

“That’s fine,” Jenny snapped. 

“Fine?” Vastra asked. “You should not be fine with this. You should be far from fine. This is what we do, Jenny. We investigate and apprehend criminals and I have just told you that you are not fit for duty. You should not be fine with that.” 

Jenny stood stoic. She had nothing to say. 

Vastra sighed. “Tell me about your nightmares.” 

“No.” Still, Jenny refused to talk to her wife.

“Then tell me how I can help you.” 

“You can’t.”

“Let me try,” Vastra said, pleading with her eyes. She lifted her hand to touch Jenny’s face.

Jenny pulled away. “Are we done? I have chores to do.” 

Vastra, disappointed, put her head down and responded, “Yes. We are done.” 

Jenny bowed and walked away.

Vastra stood in the middle of the mat and watched helplessly as her wife left the gym. She stayed behind and meditated. This was as much to give Jenny space as it was to clear her mind and think. How could she help Jenny? What would she need to do to get her to open up to her? This had to stop, one way or another or she didn’t know what may happen to her wife. 

Dinner, as had become commonplace, was silent. Several times Vastra attempted to make small talk, but the Silurian wasn’t equipped for this sort of banter. She was direct, to the point, and literal; she only saw value in conversation that served a purpose. But small talk only served to cover up silence. Each time she attempted to strike up a conversation with her wife, she found she had nothing to say. So dinner continued in silence.

Jenny gathered dishes after dinner. “I’ll clean up,” Vastra said. 

Before Trenzalore Jenny would have questioned Vastra’s motives. But tonight she simply placed the dishes back on the table and walked away without even as much as a “thank you.”

Vastra heard the upstairs tub filling with water as she washed and put away dishes. After half an hour the bedroom door closed and her sensitive Silurian ears heard Jenny get in bed and sob herself to sleep. 

Vastra willed herself to stay awake long after Jenny had drifted off to sleep. Tonight she would not be pushed away. This time, she would insist that her wife talk to her. So she waited, patiently, for the inevitable nightmare to wake Jenny. 

Quarter after two Jenny gasped and sat bolt up in bed, covered in sweat. 

Across the room, Vastra placed another log on the fire. Lean and muscular, her emerald scales shined as they reflected the flames. Wanting to give Jenny space, she made her way over to the settee and lit the oil lamp on the small table. 

“Jenny,” she said in warm calm tones. “This has to stop. You have to let me help you.”

“I’m fine, Vastra.” Jenny said turning her back to her wife and pulling the covers tight around her as she drew herself into the fetal position. 

“You are not fine,” Vastra insisted. “And this will not stop until we talk about it. You need to talk about it.” 

“No. I don’t,” Jenny said. “Talking about it won’t make it better.” 

“Not talking about it is certainly not making it better,” Vastra countered. “Please, Jenny. Do not push me away.” 

Nothing. Jenny laid still beneath the covers with her back to her wife.

“I have already apologized a hundred times even though there was nothing I could have done to keep you from slipping away that night. Once the Doctor entered his own time stream, there was nothing I nor anyone could have done to stop what happened.” 

Jenny sat up and looked at Vastra. Her expression was a mixture of hurt, confusion, and sadness. “Is that what you think is wrong? Do you think I blame you for me dying on Trenzalore?”

“That certainly is what it seems,” Vastra said. “You did not have these nightmares until Trenzalore, and when you awaken you will not talk to me or even look at me. You push me away and will not accept my help. What else am I to believe other than you blame me for your death on Trenzalore?” Vastra now sat on the edge of the settee. Finally, Jenny was talking to her.

“You are so daft,” Jenny said and fought back tears. She sat back against the headboard and avoided eye contact with her wife. 

“How am I daft?” Vastra asked. “Tell me what I am missing, Jenny. What is it that I do not understand? I almost died alongside you that night. You are my world—my everything. And to watch helplessly as you faded out of existence almost killed me too.” 

Jenny swallowed hard. “You have no idea do you? Where it took me, what happened to me as I faded away?” Jenny asked. 

“No,” Vastra said softly. “How could I?”

“You’re the Great Detective, Vastra. How could you not figure it out? How could you not know?”

“I do not know because you will not talk to me.” Vastra stood up. She was becoming impatient. “You push me away like it was my fault. What am I supposed to think?” Vastra was now pacing back and forth between the bed and the settee. “Please tell me what is waking you every night.” 

Jenny replied quietly. “Fine. I’ll tell you.” 

Vastra stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the bed to be near her wife. 

“Think about it, Vastra,” Jenny said. “I slipped out of existence because the Doctor ceased to exist.” 

“Yes,” Vastra said. “I know how it worked.” 

“I ceased to exist because the Doctor saved me,” Jenny was leading Vastra, but for whatever reason, the Great Detective could not seem to connect the dots. 

“The Doctor has saved us all, numerous times,” Vastra said. “Even I was doomed to slip away once the Doctor’s timeline caught up to mine.”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” Jenny said. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. 

“What am I missing?” Vastra pleaded with Jenny. 

Jenny drew in a long breath and exhaled a choppy burst of air. “You killed me.” 

“Jenny, what?” Vastra asked. 

Jenny’s tears had stopped. Her voice did not shake when she spoke this time. “You killed me. In that alley. The night you found me.” 

Vastra’s heart sank. Why hadn’t she thought of this? Why had this never occurred to her? It was so obvious now. That was the first time the Doctor saved Jenny. “Oh, Jenny—” 

“That’s what I awaken to every night. That is what happened on Trenzalore. I faded backwards through my life over the past few years with you. In a flash I relived the happiest days of my life only to end up in that alley with your hand around my throat. Pressed against a brick wall. Then, everything stopped.” Jenny paused. “Everything stops, time freezes for a few seconds, and a new reality starts.”

Vastra’s eyes, wide and blue, stared into Jenny. She knew what Jenny was about to say, and she didn’t want to hear it. But she needed to. If Jenny had to relive it, she had to hear it. 

“Without the Doctor there to stop you that night, you showed me no ounce of mercy. You struck me with your tongue and injected me with your venom. You called me a filthy ape, a thief, and a scourge on the planet. Your venom burned its way through my veins until I could not move. You questioned me, asked me where your money was, what I had done with it. But you realized too late that I couldn’t speak because your venom had paralyzed me. 

“You were so angry when you realized your mistake. Your eyes were as black as a starless night. You removed your hand that had me pinned to the wall and I dropped limp onto the ground, unable to move, speak, or scream for help. Then, in a fit of rage, you tore the flesh from my bones. And I felt it all, back at Trenzalore, and in my dream. I felt every tear, every rip. I was fully conscious until I gasped my last breath. And the last thing I saw was your face. Your smiling face, covered in my blood.” 

Vastra shot up from the bed and walked across the room. It was her turn to push away.

“This is why I haven’t told you,” Jenny said. “I didn’t want you to feel guilty for something you didn’t do. I didn’t want this.”

Vastra stood motionless, her back to Jenny. Then, without warning, she collapsed to her knees. 

Jenny jumped from the bed and ran to her wife. Kneeling beside her on the floor, she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. The contrast of the cool on warm skin reminded them of what they uniquely shared; and what had been missing over the past month. “Vastra, it’s alright. I’m right here. I didn’t die. You didn’t kill me.” 

“But I would have.” Vastra’s voice cracked. “If the Doctor had not been there. I know what I would have done to you that night. Everything you described. I had such hate, such rage toward you.” 

“But you didn’t do those things. The Doctor was there. He stopped you.” Jenny pulled Vastra in closer. “And I came back. Even though the Doctor entered his time stream, I came back. So that never happened. None of it ever happened.” 

“But you have to relive it, like it did happen, every time you fall asleep. I did that to you. That is my fault,” Vastra said. “You relive that horrible alternate reality every time you fall asleep.” 

“Maybe that will stop now. It’ll get better. It has to,” Jenny said, placing warm kisses along Vastra’s cool crests. “I should have told you this weeks ago. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Vastra said. “I am the one—,”

Jenny slid around and knelt in front of Vastra. “Shhh.” Jenny took Vastra’s hands in her own. “I promise I won’t push you away again. If I have the dream again, I won’t push you away.” She placed Vastra’s hand on her cheek and nuzzled into it. 

Vastra took solace in her wife’s body heat. “I love you, Jenny.” 

“Shut up and kiss me, you daft old lizard,” Jenny smiled.


End file.
